Semantic Abuse or Just Missing the Point

“Semantic Abuse”? Or Just Missing the Point? A Closer Look at Getting Stuck on Words in Relationships

There’s a new phrase making its way around social media and therapy circles: “semantic abuse.”

It refers to a dynamic where one partner consistently fixates on the precise wording of what the other says, correcting, dissecting, or arguing definitions, rather than responding to the emotional content of what’s being communicated.

Example:
Partner A says, “I felt abandoned when you didn’t call.”
Partner B replies, “That’s not abandonment. I was busy. That word is too extreme.”
Now the conversation has shifted from how someone felt to a debate about vocabulary.

As a couples therapist, I see this dynamic often, especially when one partner is neurodivergent. ADHD, ASD, or OCD-spectrum traits can make someone more likely to process language literally, get stuck on precision, or redirect the conversation to something that feels more cognitively manageable. It’s not always tactical, it’s sometimes neurological.

But the impact of getting caught in semantics can still be damaging.

When a partner routinely responds to emotional expression by picking apart the wording, the other partner can begin to feel:

• Chronically misunderstood

• Emotionally dismissed

• Afraid to speak up without saying it “just right”

Sometimes, what looks like a conversation is actually a subtle form of deflection. A partner may respond to emotional feedback with phrases like:

• “That’s not what you said earlier.”

• “You’re exaggerating.”

• “That’s not the right word.”

If this happens repeatedly in place of genuine engagement, especially when the content is emotional or vulnerable, it can start to feel invalidating, even gaslighting. Over time, the other partner may begin to second-guess themselves or stop bringing things up altogether.

It’s important to ask: Is this a habit of correction rooted in anxiety or neurodivergence? Or has it become a way to avoid discomfort, shift blame, or keep control of the narrative?