Why I Look at the Whole System in Couples Therapy

One of the most common misconceptions about couples therapy is that it is about identifying who is right and who is wrong. In reality, effective couples therapy looks at the system the relationship is living in. Stress, health, work demands, parenting load, aging parents, sleep deprivation, and physical transitions all shape how partners relate to each other.

In my Frisco and Plano couples therapy practice, I often help partners understand that relational strain is not always about effort or intention. Sometimes it is about capacity. When a system is overloaded, even strong relationships struggle.

This is why topics like menopause, chronic stress, depression, anxiety, or medical transitions sometimes come up in therapy. They are not distractions from relationship work. They are often central to it. When one partner feels unwell for an extended period of time, the relationship has to adapt. If that adaptation is not understood, couples often default to blame.

A systemic approach helps couples move out of personalization and into teamwork. Instead of asking, "Why are you like this?" the question becomes, "What is our system carrying right now, and how do we respond to that together?" This shift alone often reduces defensiveness and increases empathy.

Couples therapy is not about minimizing real hurt or avoiding hard conversations. It is about making sure those conversations are aimed at the right targets. When the problem is framed accurately, solutions become clearer and more humane.

My work is grounded in the belief that relationships thrive when both partners feel understood within the full context of their lives. That includes emotional history, current stress, physical health, and life stage. When couples learn to hold that wider view, connection becomes more possible, even during challenging seasons.