Skip the Body Count: Healthy Ways to Talk About Sexual History and Interests in Relationships

This title is tongue and cheek, but really the whole, "body count", "what's your number?" is so 1993. And when people answer this, would it surprise you to know that this Q and A can cause real issues down the road? Therapists hear about this sort of unwise early relationship conversation all the time. Good grief! Let's stop already. Even early in a relationship, let's make better choices. Instead, let's think of some other questions that get to the heart of what you are trying to learn about each other without the shame, blame, comparison, that leads to jealousy, insecurity, boundary issues, just all around ick that comes with, "What's your number?" 

Okay, so instead, let's try some healthy verbal intimacy with these alternative conservation starters:

What's your sexual experience been?

Have you ever tried _______(fetish, experience, kink)?

What excites you? What are some turn offs to?

What have we done that really works for you?

What can we experience together that you haven't yet?

When was the last time you were tested for STIs?

If the objective is to get to know about the person's sexual history and interests, let's asks questions that get to the heart of that.