It Feels All Too Real But I Don't Believe You

Some people exclaim, "We've been to therapy before!" When I inquire about how long they spent in therapy, the answer is usually less than four sessions. That's not "being in therapy", that's barely past the initial assessment. We are not miracle workers--that's not even four hours to address what often took years to get twisted up. And therapy is not magic, but it is effective for those who commit to the process. So yes, therapy can be emotional, vulnerable, and hard work, but the rewards far outweigh the work you'd put in during 6 or 12 months. 

In early sessions, couples often recount all the "stuff" as evidence that they should end it. The pile of stuff can indeed be heavy, which brings me to what I've come to believe about the hopelessness and grand gestures of ending it. I think what people really feel is tired, scared, exhausted, uncertain, fatigued, confused, worn out, sad, weary (yes, I checked the thesaurus for synonyms of tired). People are massively TIRED of how it is and they've tried to improve their relationship (including their four sessions with a therapist) and they don't want what they have, but they don't know how to fix it. This is where an experienced couple's therapist can make inroads. Things can change; I've seen it countless times. I know you may not believe it, so I will be the hopeful one for the time being. 

About the author: Dr. Melissa Hudson has been a Plano licensed marriage and family therapist since 2012. She also helps those contending with anxiety and depression as well as families. Conveniently located near The Shops of Legacy, Dr. Hudson is convenient to Frisco, Richardson, Allen, McKinney, and The Colony. You can learn more about her work here.